Friday, January 7, 2011

For Auld Lang Syne -- Will She “Tak’ a Cup o’ Kindness“…Yet?

The ringing in of New Year’s Eve had seen DiDi making a toast to Chris Egan and Gavin Wiley in celebration of their marriage… and pondering what to do with the information Alicia Van Dine had presented her just a few short weeks before.

She was glad that Chris and Mitzi had been with her to witness what Alicia had to say, otherwise no one would have believed it…


“So, basically, that’s it, ladies,” said Alicia contritely (and seemingly sincerely). “I take full responsibility for my nefarious activities of the past and I’m trying to make restitution not only for my sins, but also for my brother's, with what I have to tell you now.

“Before his death, my brother Louis had some of his DNA frozen in anticipation of the time when the technology for cloning humans would be perfected.”

Transfixed by what they had just heard, DiDi, Chris and Mitzi sat there speechless… a highly unusual state for this usually talkative trio.

“I’m not quite sure how to read the looks on your faces,” said Alicia, “but it’s imperative that you believe me.”

Chris was the first one to snap out of it: “Are you kidding me? After all the havoc you reeked on this town…”

“And with all of your lies and deceit…” interrupted Mitzi.

“Do you REALLY expect us believe you?!” concluded DiDi.

“In all honesty, no I didn’t,” said Alicia. “That’s why I brought you proof.”

“Oh, this oughtta be interesting,” Chris chortled.

“Are you trying to tell us that modern technology has unleashed a baby Louis Van Dine on us somewhere?” asked DiDi.

“Oh, I saw that in a movie once!” exclaimed Mitzi. “It was really scary… couldn’t sleep for days afterwards. John Rubinstein was in it, though… I had the biggest crush on him ever since I saw him on Broadway in Pippin…but it still gave me nightmares.”

In unison, Chris and DiDi both admonished: “Mitzi!!!”

“Sorry, I just got a little carried away,” said Mitzi. “Alicia, please, continue.”

“Nooooo,” said Alicia slowly, “he’s not a baby.”

“What are you saying?!” DiDi asked anxiously.

“It was almost thirty years ago that Louis embarked on a quest to clone himself when he discovered that he was infertile and would never be able to have children the regular way. Every couple months he would go to Switzerland where he’d have cells scraped from the inside of his cheek so that scientists could begin experimenting. He was hoping to see himself cloned before he died.”

“And?” asked Chris.

“It didn’t happen.”

“Thank God,” said DiDi.

“Before he died, that is.”

Again, the women were transfixed.

“Shortly after Louis’ death, cells were successfully cloned and impregnated -- or I guess ‘incubated’ would be a better term -- into seven young women. Six of them miscarried… but one of them carried to full term.

“Fortunately, I was able buy off someone in the lab to destroy the remaining cloned cells so that there could never be a second go-round at it,” said Alicia, “but unfortunately, I lost track of the woman who gave birth. Louis left instructions to a cadre of his followers on what to do once a clone was born…and more than enough money to have his wishes carried out.

“These people were all as crazy as my brother…just waiting for the “reborn” Louis Van Dine to reach adulthood so that he could fulfill the ’original’ Louis’ plan of world domination. I’ve spent my life trying to track this woman down. She died last year…but the boy…or rather, the man now lives in Monticello.”

“Yikes” squeeled Mitzi, “this is even scarier than the movie!”

“Yes, it is,” said DiDi, suddenly very calm -- as the before an impending storm -- “because it’s real.”

“You said you had proof,” said Chris, “where is it?”

“I want you to swab the inside of my cheek for DNA and take it to a lab so that you have your own results. Meanwhile, you need to collect a sample from my brother’s clone and take them to a lab so that you can compare the results. They should be a match and prove to you that I’m telling the truth.”

“And from whom exactly are we supposed to collect this sample?” asked DiDi

“You met him the other night, DiDi…you were in his home. He’s Sky and Raven’s son-in-law…he’s married to their daughter, Charlotte.”


* * * * *

Six-Degrees-of-Separation Trivia: Irving Allen Lee, who played Det. Calvin Stoner on EON co-starred on Broadway with John Rubinstein (who appeared in the movie, The Boys from Brazil, that Mitzi refers to) when he took over the role of “Leading Player” from Ben Vereen in the Pippin.

Mariann Aalda played DiDi Bannister-Stoner on Edge of Night from 1981 to its final episode on December 28, 1984. She also played Grace Battles on Guiding Light and Lena Hart on Sunset Beach on daytime and starred in the primetime series The Royal Family and First & 10 and recurred or guest-starred on such shows as Designing Women, Grace Under Fire and The Parkers, among others. With a penchant for comedy, she's also done stand-up in clubs across the country and is the co-creator of M.O.I.S.T.! -- the "sex-istential" comedy-with-music celebrating the seasoned woman -- which she co-wrote/produced/performs with Iona Morris (ex-Fiona Griffin, As The World Turns).

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